Historically, people relied on living in groups for basic survival. Today, our need for social interaction is ingrained in our DNA. While we strive for independence, we are wired for connections with others. Our relationships fulfill our need to belong, provide emotional support, and contribute to our growth and well-being. However, we can still find ourselves in unhealthy relationships.
Individuals living with mental health issues, substance use disorders, or both typically behave in ways that damage previously healthy relationships, or they may be drawn to new, unhealthy ones. At Hill Country, we identify substance use disorder (SUD) and mental health conditions as family diseases because they do not occur in a bubble. Instead, everyone closely involved with the person struggling is affected. For this reason, we value the importance of family therapy as an integral part of our treatment programs.
Defining Emotional Dependency
Emotional dependency refers to the heavy reliance on another for validation, fulfillment, and emotional support to the extent that one’s independence and self-worth are devalued. Emotional dependency can result in unhealthy relationships with friends, family, and romantic partners.
Characteristics of emotional dependency include:
- Constantly seeking approval and reassurance from others, especially romantic partners, to feel good about yourself
- A deep fear of abandonment that leads to anxiety and insecurity
- Constantly prioritizing the wants and needs of others over your own
- Believing you need another person to feel whole or have a purpose
- Difficulty being by yourself without feeling anxious, lonely, or unfulfilled
- Making decisions based on what others think or feel rather than what you want
- Making sacrifices to avoid rejection
- Overcompensating, being overly apologetic, to stay in someone’s favor
- Having no boundaries by constantly trying to help or please others to the extent that you are drained
Emotionally dependent people have trouble managing emotions. They often overreact to conflict and resort to manipulation, guilt-tripping, or excessive apologizing to keep the peace because they believe any conflict might lead to the end of the relationship. As such, relationships, particularly romantic ones, become unbalanced and dysfunctional.
Is Codependency the Same as Emotional Dependency?
Codependency is a form of emotional dependency with other distinctive traits. Where the basis of emotional dependency is the reliance on others for validation, self-worth, and emotional support, codependency goes a step further by including an excessive focus on another’s needs to the extent of one’s own well-being.
Some characteristics of codependency include:
- Feeling responsible for the happiness and well-being of others
- Going to extremes to please others at the expense of personal needs
- Taking on the emotions of others as if your own
- Overcompensating in romantic relationships to keep someone from leaving
- Constantly trying to “fix” or manage other people’s problems
- Feeling lost, empty, and anxious when not in a romantic relationship or helping someone else
- Suppressing personal thoughts and feelings to keep others happy
- Experiencing guilt when focusing on personal needs
- Believing that by taking care of others’ needs, you will be loved
Codependency frequently occurs in relationships where one person is struggling with substance use disorder, but it is not limited to such relationships. Codependency can occur in friendships, family relationships, romantic relationships, and even workplace relationships.
Managing Emotional Dependency
Emotional dependency, including co-dependency, is typically rooted in childhood experiences, like growing up in a dysfunctional family where emotional needs are neglected or in past trauma, which can include emotional neglect. Managing emotional dependency begins with acknowledging it and understanding its origins.
At Hill Country, we know that in most families living with mental health or substance use issues, there are individuals who are emotionally dependent or codependent. We provide family therapy to help family members:
- Improve communication skills
- Learn healthy conflict-resolution skills
- Establish healthy boundaries
- Reduce enabling behaviors
- Take accountability
- Heal unresolved family trauma
- Foster autonomy
Family therapy is a critical tool in recovery. It allows family members to heal and the family as a whole to redefine its dynamics and shift the focus to healthier, more adaptive behaviors.
Enroll in Family Therapy at Hill Country Today
Family is one of the most influential forces in our development; family relationships are among our strongest. However, the impacts of substance use disorders (SUD) and mental health issues can cause disruptions in even the closest of families. Hill Country offers family therapy as part of comprehensive treatment for SUD and co-occurring disorders. Call 1.844.675.1628 or complete the online form to enroll in treatment and learn more about our family therapy program.